November 12, 2018 (started on that date)
Thinking a lot about my days growing up. The neighbors. My family. Church. School. Things I said and did alone as well with my brother and the entire family Remembering how boring I thought Uncle John’s stories were when I was very young but loved them once I was about 14. So much remembering. Is this what happens once you reach 50?? I am not sorry at all.
What I am is missing those times. Missing my youth. Not my age. I don’t care about that number. I care about my memories. The wonderful feelings that are evoked from sitting and thinking about ‘how it was’.
My Mom LOVED the holidays. She was nearly like a little girl. Christmas was her favorite time of the entire year. And Christmas started as soon as Thanksgiving ended.
Boxes of decorations were brought out of the basement. Each one marked with the name of the lovely ornament or bobble or tree etc. that was inside. Some boxes contained more than one item. Some contained surprises. The extra items in the box were not marked on the box so SURPRISE! Mom loved finding these unmarked treasures.
Each decoration had a place. Every year a new decoration was added. My Mom handmade several of the decorations from my youngest days. The house looked like a Christmas store. I miss that. I miss my Mom’s infectious joy. Her eyes sparkled.
I miss the family gatherings. I miss waiting for Dad to be home from work to celebrate holidays and birthdays or any occasion. I miss the talking and the laughter and, on occasion, the tears.
I miss overeating on Thanksgiving after we watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I miss my parents yelling at the TV during football games. I miss watching with true delight all of the Christmas shows every single year. Thankful that my Mom delighted in them so much so we were guaranteed to watch them ❤
I miss the stories my parents told of their youth. I miss Uncle John’s stories of his youth. I miss Uncle John wanting jelly eggs at Easter. Not jelly beans but jelly eggs. I miss his delight in my brother and myself opening presents and getting ready for church. I miss hearing his radio gospel music and him quietly singing. I miss the joy on his face when we took him with us to visit Aunt Ida. I am still sure to this day that he was in love with her. (She was NOT related to us. Aunt was a title of love and respect.) I plain and simple miss HIM.
What I miss is family. Family that is not pretentious but loves to laugh and joke and hug and live a simple life. I miss MY family. The gatherings. The laughter. The joy and happiness and sparkle surrounding everyone. Making every moment special. Telling stories. Yelling at the TV. Watching parades on TV. Being together and being present.
Togetherness and presence are what I miss. Everyone is so busy and distracted. No one plays with the children or buys candy to wind them all up or gives them silly gifts that are just for fun (like bubbles). No sitting and actually watching the parade or the game. No story telling. Not even in my family.
I yearn for my youth and what WAS. And, I cannot have that back. Dad and Mom and Uncle John are all gone. The decorations are lost. (Don’t ask. That is a VERY angry and sore point with me!) So, what do I do?
I pray to have what it takes to finally start my own traditions. Next year. Maybe find some of the older styled lights and decorations. Find crafts to make my own decoration. Make foods and decorations and celebrations filled with my laughter and joy and happiness and sparkle. Take plenty of pictures and maybe even some videos. Share them with everyone ❤ Let my love and joy shine through!!
I might be 50, but I think I will have plenty of time to start and continue some fabulous traditions. Who will I ‘pass them down’ to, though?
Sometimes I wonder if not having children stopped me from trying. Trying to celebrate and decorate and start traditions. Not sure if that is true or not. That is not stopping me though!
I will decorate no matter where I live nor what type of home I have. No more Debbie Downer about no family or friends being around. Decorate for me I will…and my husband, of course. Share with others. Find my inner happiness and light and show it to the world!!
God and Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit will be with me…always ❤
I can and will do this. Thank you for ‘listening’ dear reader! Let’s see what the new year will bring ❤